Barbie. Who doesn’t have a story or a memory involving that legendary doll? As the first glimpses of Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie hit the internet, I must admit I was excited. The costumes, the glamour, the fantasy… even big girls want to experience the perfection of an imaginary world sometimes. But as the reviews and commentary flooded in, my confidence that this particular fantasy would speak to me personally was starting to wane. Nevertheless, armed with a ticket, a bag of popcorn, and a curious spirit, I slid into my cushy theater seat and got ready to be entertained… or educated? I wasn’t quite sure which.
Here’s what I learned.
When watching this movie, you can and will see exactly what you want to see. If you want to be offended, you will be. If you want validation, it’s available. If you want to be entertained, you’re in luck. If you want to see girl power, done. The perils of an unchecked patriarchy? Yep. Damage done by emasculating men? Check. Motives for all of the players above? Yes, there’s a line or two about that. As in life, it turns out our experience with this movie ultimately reflects more about the viewer’s interior than the intentions of its creators.
Ever wonder why a family of four can sit in the same pew at 10:30 on a Sunday morning, at the same mass, with the same priest, and hear four completely different homilies? Ever wonder how a doctor’s report can be heard by two family members and they walk away with two separate interpretations? Um, do I even need to mention politics? The answer is The Holy Spirit. God shows up for each of us individually, if we are paying attention. And as I sat in the theater this morning waiting to be pummeled with overt judgements on my personal life choices, I was pleasantly surprised to feel The Holy Spirit showing up for me too.
I was reminded our actions and beliefs have consequences. Our choice for one life often means giving up another. This is not a judgement, just a fact. Live the single life or get married? Be a stay at home mom or climb the corporate ladder? Follow the crowd or follow your heart? Our decisions may develop into something wonderful or they may slap us in the face with a cost we didn’t see coming. This is life. This is the human experience. This is beautiful and heartbreaking. Honorable and hard to swallow. Joyous and lonely. But with all the ups and downs, at the end of the day, life is still a miracle and a gift.
Culturally, we have become obsessed with perfection. Cancel culture, judging others, and demonizing whole races and genders has become common place, so much so, these messages teeter on boring. Like a toddler who is melting down in the cereal aisle, eventually, the other patrons are just going to walk around the spectacle. These behaviors are so rash, extreme, and now predictable, that I wonder if they have any effect on society at all.
Furthermore, hitting the delete button on imperfect people or a shameful history also erases the lessons learned from those past mistakes. If our journey as humans is to evolve into better people, why would we choose to go back to square one over and over again? Why would we give up the ground that was gained through the wounds and sacrifices of ourselves and our ancestors? Witnessing a mistake often saves us from the pain of making it ourselves. Don’t forget, anything worth doing is worth doing badly. If we aren’t meant to use our history to become better people, what are we here for?
It’s tempting, when we don’t like our situation or circumstance, to paint an alternative life with a giant brush dipped in sparkles and glitter and assume the problem is solved. Unfortunately for us, I believe the Garden of Eden went out the window at the start of the story. How close you get to that beautiful garden will never be determined by the exterior world that we live in or by the things said or done around you, but instead by the interior freedom you create and nurture within your own mind and heart.
As I was leaving the theater ruminating on the movie, my mind jumped back to one of the previews for Grand Turismo. I flashed back to a youthful image of myself sitting in an arcade race car with a built in steering wheel and pedals. Rule # 1 in race car video games… the surest way to wind up in a wall is to over correct. Yank the wheel too far or too fast and, inevitably, you crash.
Feminism changed the world. I am grateful to all the women who paved the way for me to choose my life, to live as my spirit and my heart guide me. But just as driving a car safely requires balance and discernment, so does feminism. Smashing the patriarchy with a sledge hammer not only destroys all the things you hate about men, but also all the things you cherish about them. I want my husband to know his worth and to know he is not an interchangeable Ken doll. He is the answer to decades of prayer and patience. I want him to know the value he adds to my life. I want him to know he was made in the image and likeness of God and that his goodness is essential to my life, the lives of those around us, the lives of our future children, and the lives of strangers he will never even meet. But to do that, to encourage a man to become better than he ever thought possible, I have to show up with generous heart and support him the way God designed me to love him, even if that means being vulnerable. Sometimes we confuse raising up another with saying they are better than us. Giving the gift of approval to another does not mean we are less. In fact, it usually means we are on pretty solid ground ourselves. Sometimes we mistake giving mercy with condoning a behavior. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Mercy is telling someone they are worthy of love even in their imperfection.
The unfavorable male behaviors we so openly vilify are not born of an environment that has too much love. They are born from a sense of inadequacy, an insecurity deep inside when you don’t know how to properly use the powerful tools God gave you. And the appalling irony is that we are teaching our young women to commit the very same injustices that we spent generations railing against. To sell that brand of feminism is risky. Shouldn’t we fight for equality using our unique gifts and merits as women and show a different version of success? Win respect and equality in the gender war as a woman, not as a woman posing as a man? When you build a financial portfolio, your best chance for wealth is to diversify. So why are we, as women, pushing a singular note that is dysfunctional and more times than not against our nature? How much of our pain as women is self inflicted?
There is light and dark to all of our innate character traits. In a real Barbie Dreamland we would develop those differences and encourage everyone to contribute their own way. Then maybe success wouldn’t depend on becoming something other than who we are, or an unattainable standard. Maybe success isn’t about creating Utopia, but instead about having the freedom to value, appreciate, and possibly even find the beauty in the messy authentic.