Traffic, where I live, is abominable. For years, I used to tune into a local morning radio show to see what the hosts were buzzing about. I love these type of shows, if for no other reason than you get to see how people tick. It's like a deep dive on the people watching front, but with a side of juicy details... and who doesn't love juicy details every once in a while?
More times than not, as the discussions danced around topics pertaining to relationships, I found myself yelling at the the radio in utter shock. It's on occasions such as this that I feel darker window tint should be legal, but apparently the tint police do not agree. Moving along. I would spend the remainder of my drive in my own thought bubble drafting exactly what I wanted to say to the callers, and pointing out how they were missing the boat all together, if only I were gutsy enough to call in. As people continued to defend mistresses and bash cheating husbands, I was always left shouting, "What about your part in the situation? Where is your personal accountability and self-respect? Don't you know you deserve to be with someone who is unattached and treats all people with dignity? Why aren't we looking out for the good of others, even if they are a stranger, even if it means sacrifice?
Don't get me wrong. I know I am not perfect. I have a sneaking suspicion that the t-shirt reading, "Sorry for what I said when I was hangry" was drafted with me in mind. But so often, when we have discussions in public forums, watch television programs, or read what people are writing, the message is rarely one of generosity.
So, why don't people know what they are worth?
Anyone who's ever tried giving up sugar knows that it takes your body about three days, give or take, to curb cravings, and get rid of headaches. Then, suddenly, the fruit that used to grow penicillin in the back of your fridge, becomes your favorite go-to dessert. Once you remove the fake and processed stuff, the real food, that is genuinely good for you, is sweeter to your taste buds than ever before. Before long, you find yourself craving that which nourishes you and wonder how you were ever able to function before.
Our souls are like our bodies in that respect. We've all heard the saying, "garbage in, garbage out." What we don't realize is just how much garbage we take in on a daily basis. A little bit here, a little bit there. It all desensitizes us. Messages of lack, inadequacy, and even anger chip away at our very being. They threaten our sense of worth and drive us to act selfishly from a place of fear, instead of acting generously from a place of love.
A friend recently sent me to an online forum to read a thread on the question, "How do I know if a guy really loves me?" As a side note, admittedly, I sometimes live in a bubble. I spend most of my spare time filling my eyes and ears with documentaries, books, and life experiences that strengthen my sense of self worth and teach me new ways to learn, grow, and love. However, I thought the question was an interesting one, so I logged on to forum and began reading the thread, focusing mainly on three contributors that my friend mentioned she liked.
Immediately, I recognized one of the writers she mentioned. I dove into his post, eager to see what he had to say. I sat back and thought, "What?" I had to reread. I couldn't possibly be reading this right. My friend said his comments were so good. Yet, if I had been a bird, my feathers would have been standing straight up. I muscled my way through a half a dozen of his entries then had to stop. I immediately called my friend, despite the time difference. "I don't like what Mr. S said at all!" I gasped into the phone. "Really?" she replied. "I thought his writing was so good. He's sarcastic, but he's really direct and tells it like it is." I granted her the fact that he was a good writer. I saw his sarcasm and his blunt way of "telling it like it is," but the problem was, his message wasn't coming from truth. His message wreaked of manipulation. He presented his point of view as fact, and you could either take it, or bugger off. His message was carefully constructed to teach people how to protect themselves from being accountable to anybody. He was selling a blatant lie, and he had packaged it well.
As I poured this out to my friend, she confided in me that when she first read his commentary, it didn't make her feel good, but she believed it anyway. She thought that her lack of dating experience had made her naive and that Mr. S was teaching her a valuable lesson or two with his no nonsense style. She thought maybe he was right. Maybe men did want to use your weaknesses to manipulate you. Maybe you do need to keep who you are close to the vest. She had seen women being manipulated in relationships before and she thought maybe her hope for something more was childish thinking.
"That is the litmus test," I said. "Words spoken or written that leave you with doubts and fears are not truth. That is not God talking. Advertisements that tell you you are not good enough are not God. Instead of worrying about someone manipulating you with your weaknesses, start looking for someone to compliment your weaknesses. There is someone for you who knows where your strengths lie and adds extra support where you come up short. Don't be afraid of your weaknesses. They serve a purpose."
So what does this all mean? Am I asking you to shut yourself off from the world and hide in a corner? Most certainly not. I'm asking quite the opposite actually. If garbage in means garbage out, then it only stands to reason that goodness in means goodness out. Gratitude in, gratitude out. Generosity in, generosity out. Love in, love out. The list goes on and on. Choose to fill your eyes, ears, mouth and soul with people and experiences that build up your self worth. If you fill your heart with enough good things, there simply won't be room for the bad. You'll squeeze it right out.
Even little actions, done consistently, add up to life changing experiences. Start looking for ways to ease someone else's burden. If you see a nail in the parking lot, be a stranger's miracle. Pick it up. Anticipate how a popped tire could ruin a day. Be a secret superhero. You rarely have to lift a car to fill the position. You just have to focus your eyes to see who needs you and be willing and open to lending a hand. Tiny sacrifices multiply, and before you know it, the Golden Rule goes from being a theory to something infinitely more precious. Love your neighbor as yourself comes to life.
“A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.”