A very dear friend of mine told me this morning she felt she needed to let go of two big dreams in her life. Immediately, my mind started to swirl. Was she giving up because things weren't going the way she planned, or did she feel like she was hoping for something that wasn't within her reach? I started to think about my own life.
I don't believe God is a tease. He put our dreams in our hearts, and He will make good on those promises when the time is right. I don't think we should ever let go of our dreams, no matter how far away from us they seem. What we do need to let go of is our need for control. We can't force life to happen the way we want it to happen. We need to trust that there is a purpose for being where we are. By opening ourselves up to God's will, we give Him the green light to make the unthinkable happen. Each yes to Him, draws our will closer to His. Each yes makes way for a new miracle. We are all worthy of miracles. We all are miracles.
On several occasions, especially when I think about what is in my own heart, I catch myself holding my breath. Sometimes I feel like I can't fully exhale until I find my husband. The bizarre thing about that statement is that I feel like he is already with me. I can hear the vibration of his voice. I can see him carrying our sleeping child up the front steps. I can feel him without having touched him. I love him without having met him. I don't know how to be in love with anyone else but him, yet I don't know who he is. Nor do I know how to find him.
I took a prayer and meditation class a few months ago and, at the end of one of our classes, we did a brief meditation. As we all closed our eyes, the instructor asked us to picture Jesus standing at a distance in front of us. She told us to take a good look at Him and observe the details. She encouraged us walk toward him. "What do you want to give Him?" she asked. The only thing I thought to give Him was this dream of my husband. In the silence of those moments, I handed over this man who is so tightly woven into my heart. And then He looked me in the eyes and simply said, "Don't worry. I will give him back." I knew, right then and there, I had work to do. I knew God needed me to hand over this precious dream, not to give up on it, but to let Him carry that weight, and hurt, and worry long enough for me to do something important for Him. He needed me to find my voice and say what could only be said by a single woman who loves. The same single woman who trusts Him over and over and over again each time she says goodbye to a man who may be perfect on paper, but doesn't feel like home to her. The single woman who trusts God will let her know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, when she meets the man God made for her.
Trust in Him, His wisdom, and His plan. Let go of the fear. Breathe deeply. There is enough time.
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”