A few weeks ago, as I was moseying out of the gym, the lottery billboard across the street caught my eye. The jackpot had reached some unspeakable amount, so naturally, I decided to take my imaginary winnings along for the ride home. What would it be like to have that much money? Would you tell people? Would people treat you differently? What happens to your own personal ambitions when you are handed all the money you will ever need for a lifetime?
Just as I was getting swept away by my whirlwind of what-ifs, the question popped in my head, "... but would I be any different?" It's an interesting question, especially when so many of us have made a habit out of putting our happiness on hold until XY or Z happens. We tell ourselves, "I'll be happy when my career takes off. I'll be happy when my house sells. I'll be happy when I find the partner of my dreams. I'll be happy when I have more money." The hiccup in that plan is that when you strip away the perks of easing your temporary situation, you are still you. If you can't find peace with where you are now, how can you possibly reach the ever-moving finish line? I'm not suggesting we turn off our motivation to strive for greatness or curb the push to make all the desires of our heart come true. What I am suggesting is trying to live like you have already won. Release all of the conditions you put on your happiness. Give yourself permission to be overjoyed without the Ferrari, or even the hooptie that twarts your need to sprint for the bus.
One of the coolest traits of children is that so often they don't know (or care) about adult standards. To a kid, riding the bus is an adventure. What if we looked at our problems that same way? Riding the bus is like having a chauffeur. Riding the bus means I get to read a yummy novel while other people are going mad in traffic all around me. Find the magic in the moment. If you can find magic with ten cents in your pocket, you will always be able to find it, no matter what life throws your way.
Recently, I had to put this very theory into practice. I needed to have a medical test done to investigate a health issue. To give you a glimpse into my background, I'll add that over the last several years, I have gotten quite crunchy granola in my approach toward my health. However, on this occasion, I needed to see a specialist who was very entrenched in the typical American modern medicine way of doing things. As I was giving the doc the skinny on the holistic approach I had been taking to heal and strengthen my body, she all but laughed at my naivety, dismissing my efforts as being pointless. I was horrified. For nearly two months, I had been focusing my mind on generating positive thoughts, affirmations of healing, wholeness, and inner peace no matter what the outcome. Within a few short moments, she had somehow managed to squish that hope like a bug. I went from having a resolve of calm and peace to being a junior basket case.
I honestly don't think she had any ill intentions when she opened her mouth. Truth be told, everything in her education has taught her that drugs and/or surgery is the fix for everything. It's so tricky when you depend on someone of authority to give you vital information, but their values, beliefs, or perspectives don't reconcile with your own. But the fact remained that I needed all the facts to make a good decision, even if it meant swallowing a side of mockery to get it. As I left the office, I was staring at the ceiling to keep the tears from turning on full tilt. I had been so confident in my efforts, and even though I got no more information that day, I was leaving so defeated.
Why did I let her words steal my peace? Were my beliefs so fragile they couldn't stand up to her dismissiveness? However, the question that rattled me the most was how could I let doubt creep into my mind about the goodness of God's will? As fear scootched in that my beliefs in natural healing were silly, I started to feel as though I was hinging God's love for me on the result of a test. Then the $350 million dollar question resurfaced, "would I be any different?" Does the outcome of a test change anything about God's infinite love for me? No, it does not. Whether I am on life's highest peak or in its darkest valley, He is always there. The same as He has always been. The same as He will always be. Sometimes it's hard to feel His presence. Sometimes you shout, plea, and beg for a sign, but get silence. The hard part is trying not to mistake silence for absence. He is always, always, always by your side.
When I was thirteen, a priest gave me a handout with a morning prayer on it. He said this prayer was all I'd ever really need, and fortunately for me, with my whole heart, I believed him. I took the prayer home, carefully cut it out with scissors, glued it to a teal piece of construction paper, then laminated it with my mini laminating machine to protect it. Yes, I had a mini laminating machine... but don't get off track here. Anyway, I've kept that card for over 24 years now. I hangs in my medicine cabinet where I can see it every morning and every night. I think the priest was right. When the world begins to swallow you up and you start to believe you need XY or Z for happiness or peace, remember what your greatest gift to the world is and know that absolutely nothing has the power to take that away.
Lord Jesus, I give You my hands to do your work. I give You my feet to follow your way. I give You my eyes to see as You see. I give you my tongue to speak your words. I give You my mind for You to think in me. I give You my soul for You to pray in me. Above all, I give You my heart, so that in me You can use it to love your Father and all people. I give You all I am, so that You can grow in me, and that You, Lord, can live work and pray in me.